Afraid to Dream Read online

  AFRAID TO DREAM

  BY

  TIANNA XANDER

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  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Afraid to Dream

  Copyright ã 2008 Tianna Xander

  ISBN: 978-1-55487-008-0

  Cover art by Martine Jardin

  All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, is forbidden without the written permission of the publisher.

  Published by eXtasy Books

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  Dad… Thanks for teaching me to dream. I miss you.

  Chapter One

  I slipped through the small opening at the end of the hill we once used as children when we wanted to go to the beach without permission. Stopping just inside the cave, I took my shoes off and emptied the sand from them before I got blisters. I quickly put them back on when a beetle scuttled across my toes. Besides, there's no telling what other kinds of creepy bugs lurked inside the dark cave.

  Continuing up the incline inside the old tunnel, I wondered if Cassie even remembered these passages were here. I hoped she wouldn't think to check them now while I hid inside them, sticking my nose in where it didn't belong. My hand brushed against the wet and slimy stone. I made a face and wiped my hands on my pants.

  Cassie is my friend. She has been all of my life. Well, for almost as long as I can remember. All of this mystery surrounding these new men they were always hanging around lately made me nervous. I wondered if she and her brothers had gotten into something they couldn't get themselves out of.

  I crept up the dark, musty passageway and tried not to think about the stuff squishing beneath my feet. My flashlight lit the way down the dank corridor. The close confines of the stone walls gave me the creeps. I realized it always had when I thought about it. Still, I didn't remember it being so small in these caves. Maybe it's because I'm taller than I was the last time we used this little escape route. I don't know.

  I stopped behind the bookcase in the library when I heard voices and peeked through the hole in the wall bored there specifically for that purpose. No one would ever know I was here unless they looked directly at the hole and the light was just right to show my eye peering back at them. I relaxed a bit when Cassie rounded the corner of the door, carrying a tray. At least she wasn't snooping around the hidden passageways of this moldy old house like me.

  "Will you guys stop sniffing at me every time I walk into the room?" Cassie complained as she set the tray down then straightened. She pulled her blouse down in the front. The material stretched and her blouse pulled tight across her breasts. It drew the attention of all of the men sitting around the small coffee table as they leaned forward and attempted to get a good look at her cleavage.

  Another one of her brother's friends frowned and shifted in his seat. "We don't sniff at you."

  I couldn't help but notice the man seemed exceptionally tall as he stretched his long, jean-clad legs out in front of him. His face had a hard edge to it like a cop or a military man. His nose was a bit crooked like he'd been in one too many barroom brawls. He was certainly no one I would want to mess with, at any rate.

  Long, dark hair hung down past his shoulders, held back by a dark tie at the nape of his neck. He turned his head to follow Cassie's movements and I was nearly mesmerized by the dark blue eyes surrounded by a lush forest of mahogany lashes. Guys shouldn't have lashes like that. It just wasn't fair.

  Cassie turned and looked at her brother. "Why is it that every time I walk into a room, those guys," she pointed at the four men I'd only gotten a short glimpse of once before today, "lean forward and inhale so deeply? It's almost as though they're trying to suck my clothes off from a distance." She glared at them.

  They all looked at each other, obviously surprised.

  "We do not do that." One of the men said with a frown. He caught himself with a grimace as he leaned forward to sniff at Cassie again. "I didn't think we did. Maybe it's your perfume." His expression was hopeful--almost as though he didn't quite believe his own excuse.

  "That's it!" another of them said, clearly relieved to have an excuse. "We really like your perfume." His head bobbed up and down, eagerly accepting that defense.

  Crossing her arms, she tapped her foot impatiently and glared at them. "I'm not wearing any perfume. Soap and water, boys. That's all you can smell on me today."

  "Then what is that sweet smell?"

  "Yeah, something smells real sweet."

  "It's her pheromones."

  Cassie thinned her lips and glared at the men again. If looks could kill, every one of them would have needed a casket.

  "One of you idiots better not have turned my sister on, damn it," Matt growled.

  She turned to her brother, her hands on her hips. "If I'm turned on--which I'm not--is beside the point and none of your business, Matty. Besides, which would you rather have, a turned on sister or a dead one?" She turned back to stare at the group, serious. "You guys can't go around claiming to be able to smell a woman's pheromones, for crying out loud."

  "Why not?"

  "Because," she stressed her words, speaking slowly, almost as if she addressed a group of mentally impaired toddlers. "Humans cannot smell pheromones--not in the sense that they know what they smell like, anyway. You four would do well to remember that."

  I pressed myself back against the wall. My gaze danced wildly around the small dark space and my eyes widened with shock. Why would Cassie say that? Those men who claimed to be her brother's friends weren't human? If not, what are they? Are Cassie, Mark and Matt human?

  Squeezing my eyes shut, I pressed a hand to my racing heart and tried to control my erratic breathing before someone heard me in here. Did they know I was in here and were all playing a practical joke?

  "I smell something sweet, like berries, and it's…" A loud sniffing noise drew my attention back to the room. "It's coming from the bookcase over there." I glanced back out through the little peephole. One of the strange men stood and crossed the room, sniffing at the large wooden monstrosity that hid me from their view.

  I panicked. Every one of those strange men looked my way, almost as if they could see me huddled in the dark confines of my hiding place. I knew they couldn't. Just the thought was ridiculous. Even so, as Cassie glanced toward the bookcase with narrowed eyes and a frown, I backed slowly through the small passageway.

  I have to get out of here before someone discovers me. I bit my lip and cursed my damned curiosity. I only wanted to get a better look at those men. They were always so secretive. They would arrive here at Cassie's ancestral home and one of the siblings would always, very politely, ask me to leave. She was supposed to be my best friend, dammit! What the hell was going on here?

  Scared, I turned and fled through the darkened corridor, needing to escape. To think. To scream out my frustrations about the secrets people always kept. Ignoring the cobwebs and slimy mold on the walls, I ran through the gloomy tunnels, trying not to imagine the monsters of my ch
ildhood lurking in the shadows.

  Instead, I kept my mind occupied with more relevant things like, should I notify the authorities? If those men weren't human, what were they? I fought back a hysterical giggle as I realized I couldn't go to the police with a fantastic story like that. They would lock me away for a very long time and that was the only thing that scared me more than the idea of aliens in my best friend's home.

  Slipping out through the small, hidden opening in the hillside, I fought my way through the clinging vines that concealed the cave and ran down the beach. My side burned and cramped, but I kept running as if my life depended on it. Perhaps it did.

  Soon, I couldn't run any longer and my legs gave out. I landed on my knees in the clean, shell free, north Michigan sand and clutched my sides as I gasped for breath.

  Looking up, I searched the shady horizon, wishing for answers, yet knowing none were forthcoming from the clear water. I sat immobilized for a while as my body rested from its exertions and I wondered if I would ever talk with Cassie again. I wondered if I would ever see her and trust her again.

  "So, did you learn what you needed to?"

  I jumped when Cassie rested her hand on my shoulder. She plopped down beside me in the sand and I refused to look at her. She was supposed to be my best friend. Yet she kept secrets from me. I never kept anything from her before today. Well nothing as important as being friends with non-humans anyway. My conscience niggled, reminding me of the one secret I did have. But that shouldn't count.

  "Or did you find out something that you now wish you knew nothing about?"

  My gaze still scanned the horizon and I refused to let her know I was upset. Hell would freeze over twice and my grandma would give birth to two cows and a chicken before I'd voluntarily let on that she'd hurt me. "I don't know what you mean," I lied. "Learn what?"

  She rested back on her heels and sighed. "I couldn't tell you what's going on. You aren't one of us. I can count on one hand the number of outsiders who know even a little about what we are."

  Pain stabbed through me at her declaration. She'd said I wasn't one of them. Deep down, I always knew that. But to hear her say it hurt somehow. No, I had never been one of them. I was always the little orphan girl standing on the outside looking in. They had their perfect home, perfect family and perfect life. Little Lily Grubowski was just a diversion for them in their boring, perfect, everyday lives.

  I choked back a sob and stood. I couldn't bear to look at her. To see the pity I knew was there on her face. "No, I'm not one of you. I have never been one of you." I searched the horizon again as if it somehow held all of the answers then shrugged. Outsider. I wanted to scream at her--rage that it was unfair for her to have so much while I had so little. But I couldn't. I shifted my gaze, staring down into the golden sand. I couldn't bear to look at her. See the pity on her face, in her eyes. "Thank you for at least pretending to be my friend all these years."

  I stood and turned to walk down the beach away from her. I couldn't stay here. My heart was breaking into a million pieces and I didn't want her to see it--couldn't bear to have her pity me any longer. I wanted her friendship all these years, not her pity. It seems I'd had the latter all along. My stomach churned. I was sick with the knowledge that my friends weren't really my friends after all. I fought the urge to run into the water and lose my breakfast in the icy waves.

  "I am your friend, Lily." She reached out to grab my arm.

  "I thought you were." Pulling away from her grasp, I covered my roiling middle with my hand and watched a small dot of light bob on the surface of the water near the horizon. Was it a boat? I squinted, trying to see, even though it didn't really matter and I didn't really care. Yet, something about that little shadowy dot beneath the spot of light bothered the hell out of me.

  Cassie rested her hand on my shoulder and I fought the urge to shrug it off. Instead, I stood still waiting to hear what she said. A part of me wanted to believe her, wanted to know that she always wanted my company, my friendship. But those cruel words still echoed in my mind.

  You aren't one of us.

  "You've always been my friend, Lily. You know that."

  I shook my head and fought back the tears that threatened to spill from my eyes. "No, I don't. Friends share everything. I've told you everything that's happened to me since the day we met. I even shared my thoughts and feelings with you when Uncle Bert…" I couldn't finish what I was about to say. My throat closed off and my eyes and cheeks burned. I pressed my hands to my cheeks, hiding my face, my humiliation from her. Even after all these years, I was still ashamed that my uncle tried to molest me.

  I ran away from my house until after he left. He came to visit my mother and me for a week. When he tried to put his hands on me, I ran. I found myself sitting near this very spot, staring off into the soothing waves. The water has never failed to bring me comfort.

  Close to hysterics when Cassie found me, I sat huddled between the big rocks on the beach, trying to stay out of sight. She hid me in the catacombs under her strange house, on one of the few large hills in the state, overlooking a huge lake I didn't know the name of, until Uncle Bert left. Now, as though sensing my mood, she moved closer, wrapped her arm around my shoulder and drew me against her side.

  "Yes, you did. I know how painful and embarrassing that must have been. And that is why I convinced the others to let me tell you." She looked out over the water, her gaze following the path of mine for a minute before she continued. "I wanted to tell you, but it isn't my story to share." She glanced over her shoulder and made a face. "It's theirs."

  I turned to watch her brother's friends striding down the beach. They were all so tall, so handsome. They looked like a cross between a basketball team and an all male revue. Every one of them stood well over six feet tall. Even though they all had a similar build, each had varying shades of hair and eyes. And every single one of them was handsome enough to die for.

  One in particular caught my attention. Judging his height by how he towered over Matty's six-foot tall frame, I couldn't help but gawk. Around six foot six, he exuded confidence and masculinity. His dark hair blew out behind him as he walked. The breeze from the lake separated the fine strands and caused them to flutter around his face. Broad shoulders tapered down to a narrow waist and hips. Long legs carried him down the beach closer to me and I swallowed, suddenly nervous. I don't know why he affected me like that. I like tall dark and handsome, but I usually like their hair short. I kind of like the military cut.

  The hair on the back of my neck prickled. I turned to look back out over the large cresting waves of the big lake and frowned. The little bobbing dot became easier to see with every passing minute as the sun rose.

  Suddenly, the world fell away and I heard nothing, saw nothing, beyond that bobbing bit of flotsam out on the water. Only it wasn't flotsam. I felt it. I felt the hostility pouring from it in ever increasing waves of anger and hatred. Whoever, or whatever, was on that boat wanted someone--or everyone--on this beach dead.

  "Get down!" I screamed, diving at Cassie to take her down in a rough tackle. We fell onto the beach, our arms and legs tangled together. Sand worked its way into our clothes and hair as we pressed our cheeks hard against the ground.

  For some reason the men followed my lead and dove to the ground as the beach lit up like a war zone. It was no longer lost in the shadows of a cloud-covered dawn. Little balls of blue fire flew over our heads, burning holes through everything they hit. Orange flames licked at the trees growing on the side of the hill over our heads. The acrid smell of burning green-wood permeated the air. The new leaves sizzled and pockets of sap snapped in small explosions as it burned. Still, the destructive blue fire rained down on us, coming from a strange weapon on that distant craft.

  "Run!" The too handsome man who caught my attention yelled back at us. Standing, he pushed Matt and Mark toward us. "Get them back to the house and stay underground if possible."

  He cast an unreadable glance my way and I
fought the urge to shudder under his scrutiny. Something about that gaze burned a hole through me, just as those blue balls of flame left holes in the trees behinds us. I rubbed at the goose flesh on my arms and wondered if I would ever be the same again.

  He strode over to Matt and grasped his arm. "We shall return later to handle the other matter." His gaze flicked over me for a moment, not elaborating that the other matter was me. He didn't need to. I could see it in his frightening eyes. "Please be sure everyone remains together so we can be certain you are safe."

  My mouth dropped open as I watched the six men change shape into various birds of prey and imaginary beings. None of them paused as they jumped into the air to fly toward the ship that bounced silently on the horizon.

  Matt grabbed my arm. "Move it! It's only a matter of time before they fire that thing again."

  "Whatever that thing was," Mark said, frowning out over the water.

  Yeah. Definitely not human. I stopped to look over my shoulder at the ship. "What was that? And what--what are they?" I asked, ignoring the uncomfortable chafing of the sand that had gotten back into my shoes and down my pants. My legs trembled and a fuzzy tingling attempted to wrap itself around my brain. I knew from experience that my body was attempting to lose consciousness and I gritted my teeth, determined to stay on my feet. You will not faint, Lily. So what if they aren't human? It's not like you haven't seen strange before. Hell, you live strange everyday. Suck it up and deal with it.

  I cursed my bad luck. I'd never make it to my house like this. The sand chafed at my feet and the more tender skin under my jeans. Showering at Cassie's was my only other option. As mad as I was at her, I was tempted to go ahead and take the chafing and walk home with sand down my pants. Pushing my hair from my face, I cursed the ancestor who gave me the red, arrow straight mop and grudgingly followed the siblings back to their house.