MemoriesofParadise Read online

  For as long as she could remember, Riana had never cried. Not really. She’d get a tear here and there, but she never felt the all-encompassing need to bow her head and give way to tears. Why now? Weaknesses weren’t something she could afford—ever.

  “There’s no reason to kick me out because I kissed you.” Clay rested his hands on his hips and stared at her. “I’ve wanted to kiss you all day. You aren’t going to make me feel bad for finally finding the courage to do it.”

  “I’m not trying to make you feel bad.” She swiped the back of her hand over her face. “I just don’t do things like this. I can’t possibly get into any type of relationship right now.”

  Riana bit her lip and looked away. Who said anything about a relationship? The man could very well only want sex from her. That thought scared her. She didn’t remember the last time she’d had sex. Literally. Either the memory was buried deep inside her psyche or it was erased forever. Whichever it was didn’t bode well for how the act felt and she had no desire to renew an acquaintance with it.

  “That’s one thing about destiny, Riana.” Clay stared down at her with an expression so intense, Riana couldn’t do anything but stand still and hold his gaze. “Destiny rarely listens to what we want, or what we think we need. The fates give us what they think we need and nothing, nothing can change their minds on it.”

  “So what you’re saying is that kiss was our destiny?” She almost smiled at that, but she didn’t want to encourage the man with his outrageous claims. “Do you really think the fates brought us together and made you kiss me?” She shook her head. “Surely you don’t really believe that.”

  She had. Years ago, when one of the people she’d befriended took the time to teach her of the old ways, to teach her how to make her potions and package spells for neophytes and mundanes, Riana had believed that, but not anymore.

  Even though she continued with her business, it became increasingly difficult to believe in what she did for others. All that mattered was what they believed.

  “Of course I believe that.” He tilted his head and looked at her. “I have to admit that this way of thinking is rather new to me, but over the last few years, I’ve seen the fates work their wonders with others and, frankly, I can’t wait for my turn.”

  Riana wasn’t sure she should believe what he said. He looked sincere, but she’d obviously fallen for someone’s line before. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have been pregnant and alone when she was little more than a child herself.

  “I’m glad you can believe in something.” She moved to look out the window. “I have a difficult time with believing in anything. I suppose it has something to do with waking up in an alley sixteen years ago, nine months pregnant with no memory of how I got that way.” She spun around to face him again. “What do you suppose the fates had in mind for me? Am I expected to live my life never knowing who I am or who the father of my child is?”

  She shook her head. “No. I don’t believe I can endorse a set of fates that could put an innocent girl through something like that.”

  “Perhaps it’s not the fates that have decreed you have no memory, but yourself?”

  “Why would I want to lose my memory? Why would I want to forget the father of my baby? I obviously liked him well enough to have sex with him.”

  “Did you?” Clay leaned against the dresser, his thigh pressing into the ridge at the top. “What if you forgot because remembering was something that was too much for you to bear?”

  “I’ve tried not to think about that.” Riana’s stomach clenched at the implications of that statement. What if she had forgotten on purpose? What if she’d forced herself to forget because Holly’s father had forced himself on her? What if she’d been in love with him and watched him die?

  “It doesn’t matter. If it was something traumatic, it begs the question of why would the fates allow that to happen to me?”

  “Oh, honey, the fates aren’t your guardian angels. From what I understand, they can be kind and they can be the evilest of bitches known to man.” He pushed away from the dresser to stand in front of her, his hands cupping her cheeks. “I do know one thing. The fates never make a mistake. They meant for you to be right here, in this room with me. Of that, I am certain.”

  She stiffened when he pressed his lips against hers again, but only for a moment. Heat suffused her. White lightning shot through her blood as his tongue traced the seam of her lips. She opened for him, melting against him as his tongue thrust inside, tangling with hers.

  Was this what it felt like to surrender to a man? Is this what it was like to have a man care for her, to show her what it was to care for someone, to show such tenderness the way he did?

  Her breath heaved in her breast when he pulled away, his hands still gently cupping her burning cheeks. She knew she was blushing. How could she not? Riana never kissed men, let alone kissed men she’d just met. What was coming over her?

  Chapter Thirteen

  Gunter stood in the doorway watching Clay kiss their mate. It wasn’t a heated kiss. He was gentle, tender. Something Gunter knew he wasn’t capable of doing now. Perhaps if he’d found her twenty years ago, he could have managed it, but twenty years ago she had been just a child.

  When Clay pulled away from her, he continued to cup Riana’s cheeks and stare down into her eyes. Could Gunter manage to do that? Could he control himself long enough to make love with his mate—until she accepted him?

  Fire burned in his middle as he watched the two together. The el calor was upon him in full force. How would he ever wait long enough for her to come to terms with the fact that she must mate with two men? If she accepted one of them, she must accept them both or curse them to await another. Gunter knew he didn’t have that much time. He would go mad first, forcing his friends to hunt him as though he were a rabid animal.

  “Oh!” Riana gasped when she saw him, guiltily stepping away from Clay and putting her hands to her cheeks. Her face was red. It made him smile. He loved a woman who could still blush. Those who couldn’t seemed to have lost something over the years.

  Clay turned and smiled. “I see you’ve showered and changed. Did you have a nap, too?”

  “No.” He moved into the room and sat at the desk. “I talked with Merrick. He said the plane was a total loss. He called in the airline so they could retrieve their black box to see if it would shed light on the reason for the crash.” He leaned back, crossed his arms, and stretched his legs out in front of him. “He expects the officials to arrive sometime tomorrow. He asked if one of us would mind escorting them to the site since he and his men plan to keep watch on it to keep scavengers away.”

  “You—” Riana cleared her throat, then began again. “You really don’t think that someone would desecrate their bodies, do you? That’s just sick!”

  He wasn’t talking about human scavengers, but Riana had no way of knowing that. “Actually, I meant wolves or other animals. They tend to eat what they can when the weather is cold and the food is scarce.”

  “Oh.” Her face turned a lighter shade as she thought about the other passengers being meals for the mountain’s predators. “I hadn’t thought of that.”

  He was sure she hadn’t. He wouldn’t have wanted to think much on it either. Still, guarding the remains was a necessary task since they had neither the equipment, nor the authority to clear the wreckage. That was something left up to state and federal officials. Since Paradise barely registered on the US government’s radar for anything but taxes, they didn’t have the right to begin the evacuation of the victims left on board.

  “You don’t think they’ll want to talk to me, do you?” Her expression became pensive. “I don’t think I should talk to any reporters. You know if anyone from the government wants to talk to me, there will be reporters who will want to do the same.” She shook her head. “I can’t talk to reporters. I can’t let the media plaster my face all over the national news!”

  Gunter could see the fear on her face and it almost m
ade him growl. “Who do you fear, Riana? Who is it that you’re running from?”

  Riana turned those beautiful, hazel eyes on him. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m not running from anyone.”

  “Don’t lie to me.” He practically growled the words. He would have known she was lying, even if he couldn’t have smelled it. “You’re running from someone. Who? Who has frightened you so much?”

  “No one.” She held up her hand when he would have interrupted. “I’m not lying. I don’t know why I get the feelings that I do. Every so often, I get the oddest sensation that someone is following us, watching us.” She shrugged. “Whatever it is, feels evil.” She bowed her head. “I’ve never really seen anyone. I’ve never stuck around long enough to see anyone. When I get that feeling, I pick up and leave.”

  Tears filled her eyes. “I had hoped that I could outrun it this time. I hoped that this would be the last time I would have to uproot Holly and move.” She turned away and shrugged. “Holly says she hates small towns and that she loves the city, but it’s only because she knows it’s harder to find us in the big cities. Small towns like this are easy. I get the feeling faster.”

  Reaching up, Riana swiped her face with the back of her arm. “She hates having to move, losing her friends. I don’t blame her. Moving is just as difficult for me.”

  “Stay here,” Gunter said impulsively.

  “I can’t.”

  “Sure you can.” He moved to lean against the wall, his hands in his pockets. “The men here will protect you.” He shrugged. Most of our new arrivals are retired Army Rangers. We have a few guys that were SEALs. Hell, we have our own little army here.”

  He watched as she pressed her lips together, most likely in an attempt to curb the nervous habit she had of biting her lip, before she turned to look out her window.

  He knew what she could see. The mill stood out about a mile from the lodge, its big water wheel still. While paradise liked its modern amenities, it also liked the old ways. The mill, run entirely by the river, was closed down for the winter.

  “This town looks so familiar to me. Every time I see something new, it feels as though I’m not really seeing it for the first time,” she said as she fisted the curtains in her hands.

  “Perhaps your parents brought you here when you were younger.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t remember my parents. I don’t remember anything before sixteen years ago when a police officer found me sleeping in an alley outside an old warehouse in Bangor. I was about sixteen and pregnant—though I couldn’t admit my age to the authorities. They wanted me to give Holly away.”

  “Because you were so young?”

  “I don’t know.” She sighed. “It was most likely because they knew there were hundreds of hopeful adults out there praying for a baby and here I was, a baby myself, or so they said.”

  Riana continued to stare through the window. “Tell me, is there a town beyond that mountain I see in the distance?”

  He nodded. “Yes. That would be Mason.”

  “Mason.” Turning, she frowned, placed a hand to her head, and made her way over to the desk in the corner. “Why does that sound familiar?” She shook her head slowly. “Even the diner and the waitress seemed familiar. I’ve never had such a strong feeling of déjà vu before.”

  Clay, call the alpha and ask him if we can see the records of all of the families that escaped Paradise during Camulus’s rule. I have a feeling…

  There was a short pause before Clay replied. A feeling?

  With what Riana has just imparted, I think it is a distinct possibility that she was among those who escaped a few years back. You remember. The alpha told us of the thirty or so families that escaped with their children. We know that most of the adults were killed, but what happened to the children?

  Some had speculated that someone had helped the adults hide their children from the council, but no one had been certain of that until the alpha female’s long-lost twin returned. No one even let on that she had a twin until the woman came to visit Myrtle Connor, one of the older women in the town.

  It was almost as though everyone had forgotten—everyone but Myrtle. Apparently, the old woman had helped a lot of families escape and found homes for those orphaned. However, she was closed mouthed about them all. Her assertion was, if they wanted to return, they would.

  I think the alpha assumed that the men who killed their parents captured their children, Clay replied just before he walked back into the room, holding out one of his t-shirts to Riana. “Here you go. I figured you’d want to wash the rest of that blood off you and have something clean to sleep in. We’ll take you out to the store to get some things tomorrow, if you’re feeling up to it.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  “Thank you.” Riana smiled as she took the t-shirt from Clay. She knew it would feel strange knowing that she slept in a strange man’s shirt, but she just couldn’t bring herself to sleep in her borrowed blouse she would have to wear in the morning. She glanced down at it with a frown. “I appreciate the loan. I didn’t want to sleep in this if I had to wear it to the store in the morning.”

  She made a face. “I can’t imagine what people would think if it looked like I slept in it.”

  Her knees actually went weak when they both smiled at her. “It’s our pleasure, Riana.” Gunter stepped closer, took her hand in his, and bowed over it.

  She nearly jumped when he pressed his lips against the back of her hand. Electricity seemed to arc between them and her skin tingled everywhere he touched her.

  Current raced up her arm as though she’d been shocked and she swallowed thickly. What was wrong with her? For the last sixteen years, she had never been even remotely attracted to a man. Now, in the matter of a few short hours, she found herself attracted to two different men.

  She fought the urge to press her hands against her face when her cheeks warmed. What was it about these two men that suddenly had her craving their touch? She just wasn’t like this at all!

  When Gunter straightened to his full height again, he looked down at her with those beautiful amber-colored eyes and winked. When her knees buckled, he caught her before she fell, drew her forward against his muscular form, pressing her against his hard length.

  “Careful, now. We don’t want you to fall and hit your head again.” Slowly, very slowly, he backed away, his hands still gripping her upper arms. “I’m going to let you go now.”

  That couldn’t be disappointment she felt when he released her. Turning away, Riana fought the urge to twist the t-shirt Clay had given her to wear.

  “If you don’t mind, I think I’ll go take a shower.”

  “Take a bath.”

  “Excuse me?” Riana spun around to glare at him. Who the hell was he to tell her what to do?

  “Do you want to take the chance of slipping and falling in the shower?” He winked at her with a smile. “I won’t mind coming in to help you, but somehow, I think you’re going to mind it.”

  Heat crept up her neck to her face as she turned toward the bathroom. “Okay, then. A bath it is.”

  She wasn’t sure, but she could have sworn she heard him chuckle and say, “Damn. I should have kept my mouth shut.”

  Closing the door, she leaned against it for a few minutes. How was she going to survive the night? She couldn’t sleep in this room knowing that there was a man sitting in the chair watching her. Hell, she didn’t know if she could sleep knowing he was in the other room waiting to check on her every hour.

  She appreciated the fact that he was willing to sit up all night to make sure she didn’t slip into a coma, but she wasn’t used to sleeping in the same room with strange men. That was one habit she had never acquired.

  Just the thought of having him in the same room while she slept should make her skin crawl. It used to. She had never liked attention from men. Even the slightest touch made her shudder with revulsion. Even when the town’s doctor patted her hand, she wanted to pull away from
his touch. What was it about these two men that made her want to feel their arms around her keeping her safe? Why did she want them to take her into their arms and tell her everything would be okay?

  The question that was uppermost in her mind was, why did she want both of them when she had never wanted any man for as long as she could remember?

  For years, she’d gone to therapy, trying to figure out who she was and why she’d lost her memory. When the psychologist touched on the subject of Holly’s father, Riana began to have nightmares. Strange, dark nightmares where monsters followed her, tried to catch her and imprison her. When she woke up screaming one night to the shadows of someone outside her bedroom window dancing on her wall, she ran and never looked back.

  She never wanted to know who Holly’s father was, because if just the thought of him gave her nightmares, she never wanted to meet the real man.

  Pushing away from the door, she walked to the tub and turned the water on. Adjusting the temperature, she reached down, flicked the handle for the plug and began to undress. Turning, she looked at herself in the mirror and started to cry.

  The doctor had told her he’d shaved her head, but she hadn’t been prepared to see the large bandage wrapped around her head with a lump almost the size of an apple sticking out from underneath it. How big was her wound and how large was the area where she was now bald?

  Riana swiped away the tears with the back of her hand. She had no business crying over a few stitches and a bald spot when the others on the plane, with the exception of her daughter and one other, had perished in the crash. If she cried over anything, she should cry over them.

  Removing her clothes, she hung the blouse over the hook on the back of the door, then took a few minutes to wash out her underwear in the sink. Clay’s t-shirt was long enough that it would cover her and she would need clean underwear in the morning. It was bad enough that she’d have to wear the borrowed clothes she’d already worn for a day to shop for new things.